What Does Losing Someone Do To Us?

This is going to be a little bit harder for me to write. So bear with me as I go, through and describe what I believe. This may not be everyone’s reaction, but it was mine.

So, growing up and losing family was just a common thing for me. To be honest I never really thought much of it, or it never bothered me. I knew it was a cycle of life, and at some point everyone just dies. I always saw how much it did hurt the spouse of the one who passed away. I was young, naïve, and it never registered to me, what they were really going through.

Just this year on February 1, 2022, I lost someone I was with. I am only 28, and I should have never had to experience something like that. She was only 48, and she died of Breast Cancer. I didn’t even know she had the cancer. Which is kind of sad because I had known her for 11 years, and been living with her for almost 5 years.

The strange thing was, all this happened after she got the Covid Vaccination. Whether she had the Cancer prior, and didn’t tell me for whatever reason. She shouldn’t have passed as quickly as she did. All I know is less than 3 months after her work made her get vaccinated, the cancer super accelerated, and had moved from her breast, to her lungs, and finally her heart.

When she passed away, I was lost. I had never felt so much hurt in my life. It felt as if a whole part of me just completely died when she did. I really took it hard, and I did some things I wasn’t proud of. I drank so much and didn’t care about anything. For weeks I was just shut out, and didn’t talk to anyone. I was alone, all my family is in U.S. I am here in the Philippines, and going through that just shredded me internally.

I don’t know how everyone else would react to that situation, but I do get what you will be going through. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life, and I never want to go through something like that again.

I do know that if I hadn’t had one friend there that was supporting me through that time. I would have just completely lost myself and gone into the deepest pit of hell I could find, and just stayed there. I will not lie, I am still recovering from it cause it did happen at the beginning of the year. I am not ever going to be 100% ok, although, I will lie and say I am. Even though that may be the case, I am learning to move on slowly step by step, and it’s getting easier. I just know I will never forget her and the impact she made on my life.

This is just one of the many things, that you will find out about my life. Something that majorly impacted me, and had me think more about the things I have done in the past. It was really hard for me to write this, but I guess in a way I feel a little bit better. Getting something like that off my chest, and knowing I don’t have to hold it in anymore. Makes me feel a little less weight from it.

-See you guys in the next one, and Thanks for reading.